Monday 11 October 2010

Ivy's Tip O' The Morning!

Are you sick and tired of those brainless, hairy, long legged idiots who seem to crawl out from behind your television every Autumn? Well here's a handy hint - Turn off 'America's Next Top Model' and watch 'Midsomer Murders' instead!



If, on the other hand, you're terrified of spiders - then pop out and collect as many conkers as you can fit into your kagool pockets and place one in every corner of your room. Spiders HATE the things and will do a a sharp u-turn and crawl into your neighbour's house instead!

RESULT!!! You're spider-free all winter PLUS you get revenge for those knickers that smell of burnt sausages because they had a barbecue while your washing was on the line. That's a good feeling petals! Of course, you will be bombarded with marauding school children with plastic carrier bags - but these are easily dealt with using a quick spritz of mace.

* Arachnophobia = Fear of spiders. Not to be confused with Baracknophobia = fear of not being afraid of the US President.

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Artwork by @RedDandy

Artwork by @RedDandy

I should be so lucky!

I should be so lucky!
Kylie is a naughty girl saying I've taught her all she knows about being a style icon. Though to be fair, borrowing my gold hotpants for her Spinning Around video did seem to do her a bit of good!

I've always used Cutting Edge Technology

I've always used Cutting Edge Technology
By @RedDandy