My Half-term with the Beckhams
I had a lovely time at Center Parcs Lake Crystal with the Beckhams for the half term holidays petals. They wanted someone to look after the boys while they had a romantic break. They thought about staying at the 5 star Burg Al Arab in Dubai but David wanted somewhere he could dribble freely without causing slippages and being sued for medical expenses by 'Paparazzi Lawyers 4 U'. Victoria didn't care where they went as long as there was cheesy chips and Snickers on tap.
Apparently, Louis Walsh was their first choice - they'd hoped that he could keep Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz occupied and form a boy band to boost the household budget at the same time. I don't know, you'd think they had enough money wouldn't you? That Victoria is so competitive! While we were there, they began filming a new Osbornes-style reality show about their comical adventures trying to maintain a celebrity lifestyle now David's football career has ended - 'Keeping Up with the Rooneys'.
Mind you, people told me I'd regret it - apparently Center Parcs Lake Crystal has a bit of a dodgy reputation when it comes to looking after children. What usually happens is the babysitter cops off with a bloke, has steamy, rampant sex all holiday, forgets to keep an eye on the kids, someone drowns and the babysitter either gets an axe in her head or ends up hanging upside down from the washing line with what she had for breakfast on display for all to see! That did make me consider my position I must admit. But after 5 minutes I reckoned it was worth the gamble if there was the possibility of a sporty type taking me up the back of the bowling alley - COUNT ME IN PETALS!