Monday, 16 August 2010

BREAKING NEWS: Ivy Manilow to be new host of hit show COME CLEAN WITH ME!

COMING SOON! From Banbury Buns to Celebrity Cup Cakes! My life as a Domestic Goddess and General Dogsbody

Read all about Ivy's no holds barred account of her cleaning journey from rag bags to rich bitches.

"You'll choke on your Wayne Macarooneys petals!"

Read about:

* My sad childhood - abandoned in a pile of banbury buns under a glass dome at St Pancras Station tea rooms.

*The cruel but kindly bishop who lured me into cleaning by encouraging me to play childish games like Vacuum the Vestry, Polish the Pews and Hide the Hymn Book

*My time as an artist's model at Paddington Camera Club and Gogo Lounge.

*Cynthia Payne - the mother I never had. Thank goodness I'm an orphan!

* The high court judge who liked to be suspended from a bungie in a nappy wearing comedy breasts and a comedy Gloria Hunniford wig.

* The prominent politician who made me smother his groin with gravy and dip my chips in it.

* The Archbishop who accidentally got locked in the toilet so we thought we may as well try and get a ransom from the Church of England.

*The day I broke into celebrity cleaning, when David Essex spotted me hosing out a canal boat and shouted "We're Gonna Make You A Star!"

In 250 weekly instalments.

EXCLUSIVE FREE GIFT WITH ISSUE 1!! An exact replica of the J-Cloth I used to mop Justin Bieber's brow when he attempted to break the Guinness World 'Oops Upside Your Head' Record.

Ask your Newsagent to reserve your copy NOW!Add Image

Artwork by @RedDandy

Artwork by @RedDandy

I should be so lucky!

I should be so lucky!
Kylie is a naughty girl saying I've taught her all she knows about being a style icon. Though to be fair, borrowing my gold hotpants for her Spinning Around video did seem to do her a bit of good!

I've always used Cutting Edge Technology

I've always used Cutting Edge Technology
By @RedDandy