Thursday 9 September 2010

Ivy's Celebrity Cleaning Manual

An A to Z-List

People are always asking me for cleaning tips and I say "I'd love to give you one petal, but Big Kim Woodburn will be on my doorstep with the sharp end of her Vileda mop quicker than you can say "If Ann Robinson keeps winking like that she'll go blind"

But if you want to know about celebrity cleaning, petals, that's another matter. That's my bag . . . or should I say bucket! It takes a particular brand of skill, patience, lunacy and a very strong stomach to clean for the stars of stage, screen, radio and shopping channel. They may seem very la di dah on the surface, but you can be sure that behind every dazzling diva there's a middle-aged scrubber with red hands, a bad back, a knowledge of first aid and breaking into houses and a wide range of under the counter viagra in her rucksack.

Now, due to unprecedented demand, for the first time I will be sharing my celebrity cleaning tips and secrets, with anatomically correct diagrams and candid photographs of the homes of the rich and famous.

Watch this space for A for Armchair, Ann Widdecombe and A.R.S.O.L.E. (Ascot Royal Society of Offhand Lavatory Engineers) Coming soon! love Ivy x

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Artwork by @RedDandy

Artwork by @RedDandy

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I should be so lucky!
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I've always used Cutting Edge Technology
By @RedDandy